Genesis 29:1-35

The theme of Genesis 29 is the story of marital love. Jacob first meets his relative Rachel, and is immediately attracted to her. He then agrees to work seven years for his Uncle Laban to satisfy the required dowry. Yet in the midst of this love story is inserted the deception by Laban, who tricks Jacob into marrying his eldest daughter Leah, instead of Rachel. This deception begins another story of unreciprocated marital love, that creates jealousy and manipulation between everyone in the family. Hard lessons are learned by each person in this chapter, and the chapters that follow. May God speak to your heart as you consider these truths.

The record continues, “So Jacob went on his journey and came to the land of the people of the East. And he looked, and saw a well in the field; and behold, there were three flocks of sheep lying by it; for out of that well they watered the flocks. A large stone was on the well’s mouth. Now all the flocks would be gathered there; and they would roll the stone from the well’s mouth, water the sheep, and put the stone back in its place on the well’s mouth. And Jacob said to them, ‘My brethren, where are you from?’ And they said, ‘We are from Haran.’ Then he said to them, ‘Do you know Laban the son of Nahor?’ And they said, ‘We know him.’ So he said to them, ‘Is he well?’ And they said, ‘He is well. And look, his daughter Rachel is coming with the sheep.’ Then he said, ‘Look, it is still high day; it is not time for the cattle to be gathered together. Water the sheep, and go and feed them.’ But they said, ‘We cannot until all the flocks are gathered together, and they have rolled the stone from the well’s mouth; then we water the sheep.’ Now while he was still speaking with them, Rachel came with her father’s sheep, for she was a shepherdess. And it came to pass, when Jacob saw Rachel the daughter of Laban his mother’s brother, and the sheep of Laban his mother’s brother, that Jacob went near and rolled the stone from the well’s mouth, and watered the flock of Laban his mother’s brother. Then Jacob kissed Rachel, and lifted up his voice and wept. And Jacob told Rachel that he was her father’s relative and that he was Rebekah’s son. So she ran and told her father. Then it came to pass, when Laban heard the report about Jacob his sister’s son, that he ran to meet him, and embraced him and kissed him, and brought him to his house. So he told Laban all these things. And Laban said to him, ‘Surely you are my bone and my flesh.’ And he stayed with him for a month” (Gen. 29:1-14).

Jacob meets Rachel.  Vs. 1-14

The first thing that you should recognize in this account of Jacob meeting Rachel, is God’s plan again being worked out by His providential hand. We see His providence in this meeting just as it was when Abraham sent his servant to find a wife for his son Isaac (Gen. 24). What do I mean by the providential hand of God? Note that Jacob just happens to walk up to a very specific well, with a group of people who just happen to know his Uncle Laban, at just the right moment when Rachel happens to arrive with her sheep. Was this all just a coincidence? I don’t think so! This was God’s perfect timing to bring these two people together, that would ultimately bring about His sovereign plan, and ultimately the Messiah. Scripture declares, “A man’s heart plans his way, but the Lord directs his steps” (Prov. 16:9). We may plan our way, but when you surrender to God, He will direct your steps. In fact, the more you yield and obey God’s moral will, the more confident you will become that you will walk right into His sovereign will. But, when I tell people this truth they say, “It can’t be that simple.” But it is that simple. Simply obey his moral will, and you will naturally walk into His sovereign will for your life. This truth should motivate you to heed His conviction in your heart. My encouragement is that whenever you get convicted for disobedience, turn and obey His command. As you obey, God gives you more insight into His ways, and you then move more in harmony with His sovereign plan. Jesus made this truth very clear to His disciples when He said to them, “‘If anyone has ears to hear, let him hear.’ Then He said to them, ‘Take heed what you hear. With the same measure you use, it will be measured to you; and to you who hear, more will be given” (Mark 4:23-24). If you want the Lord to give you more of His plan for your life, then take heed to listen and obey His voice. The biblical concept of hearing Him, will always entail heeding His voice in obedience (Deut. 11:16; Ps. 119:9; Luke 8:8).

In addition, Paul taught, “We are His workmanship, created in Christ Jesus for good works, which God prepared beforehand that we should walk in them” (Eph. 2:10). It is so comforting to know that God has prepared beforehand a plan and a purpose for each of us who believe, and He wants to work this plan out in your life for His good pleasure. All God asks of you is that you will choose to surrender and yield to His commands, which reveal His moral will. Remember, obeying His moral will, is the means of finding His sovereign will. The best example of this principle is the disciples of Christ. They followed the moral command of Jesus to follow Him, which naturally led them into His sovereign plan for their lives, to be witnesses to His resurrection, and to turn the world upside down for Him (Matt. 4:18-25) (Luke 4:38-5:11). This is what God can do with normal everyday people who have fully surrendered to Him. What could He do in your life, if you did the same?

Was this love at first sight?

When Jacob first saw Rachel, he spoke with her for a few minutes and determined that she was his Uncle Laban’s daughter, he rolled the stone off of the mouth of the well, and then he kissed her. Now you may wonder if this was what we call today, “love at first sight.” Many also think that Jacob was being very forward to immediately kiss her, but this was just a cultural greeting, because Laban ran to meet Jacob and kissed him too. So, make sure you put this kiss in its cultural setting for that day. This is still the custom in the Middle East today. In fact, in Russia today, men will greet other men with a kiss on the lips. While doing ministry in Russia, I have had this experience personally. Being vigorously kissed by a man with two-or three-day growth of beard, was a bit of a painful experience.

It is important to put yourselves in Jacob’s shoes at that moment to understand his excitement. When Jacob recognized that Rachel was Laban’s daughter, he was probably thinking to himself, Wow, God has led me directly to one of my family members. This is probably why he immediately began to weep, because he realized that God had directed his steps right to the people and place that he needed to be. He knew that God had providentially brought all these circumstances about, just as He had promised. This was a moment of great relief for Jacob.

But, is there such a thing as love at first sight? We hear people say, “We just instantly fell in love.” Can this truly happen? I believe there can be attraction at first sight, or infatuation at first sight, or even lust at first sight, but to truly love someone, this is the result and fruit of a relationship. Paul said that, “The fruit of the Spirit is love” (Gal. 5:22). God’s love in us is the result of knowing Him and being filled with His Spirit. The more we get to know Him, and spend time in His Word, and drink in of His living water, the more our love relationship grows. Yes, you can sense an instant connection with another person, but to love them will take time.

I say this also from personal experience in counseling with numerous people that I have married, who have told me that when they first met, they didn’t even like each other, and were not attracted to each other at all. But after spending time with each other, and getting to know the person’s heart, they began to fall in love, and everything changed. This was the case with my wife and I. When we first met, we weren’t attracted to each other at all. She thought I was too conservative, and I thought she was too flighty. But once we got to know each other, and we could see one another’s heart for the Lord, we slowly fell in love with each other, and we have been married now for 52 years. The reason our hearts were changed is because love is something that grows as a fruit of relationship, and that takes time. This is also why I will not marry anyone, or even begin premarital counseling with a couple unless they’ve known each other and dated for minimum of six months. Why? Because I know that it takes, at least that much time, to have a disagreement, and realize if they can communicate effectively in order to reconcile the issue. It also takes time to determine if your goals and expectations are truly aligned. Time tests every relationship, and reveals if it is truly rooted in real love.

Now don’t misunderstand what I have just said. There is nothing wrong with infatuation or attraction at first sight, but there better be something more substantial than that if you want the relationship to succeed. Get to know the person well that you are dating, before making any long-term decisions. Also, always get premarital counseling, because this time spent talking over the important issues of your future, will really help sort out who that person is, and what their life goals are.  

Jacob gets deceived by Laban.  Vs. 15-30

“Then Laban said to Jacob, ‘Because you are my relative, should you therefore serve me for nothing? Tell me, what should your wages be?’ Now Laban had two daughters: the name of the elder was Leah, and the name of the younger was Rachel. Leah’s eyes were delicate, but Rachel was beautiful of form and appearance. Now Jacob loved Rachel; so he said, ‘I will serve you seven years for Rachel your younger daughter.’ And Laban said, ‘It is better that I give her to you than that I should give her to another man. Stay with me.’ So Jacob served seven years for Rachel, and they seemed only a few days to him because of the love he had for her. Then Jacob said to Laban, ‘Give me my wife, for my days are fulfilled, that I may go in to her.’ And Laban gathered together all the men of the place and made a feast. Now it came to pass in the evening, that he took Leah his daughter and brought her to Jacob; and he went in to her. And Laban gave his maid Zilpah to his daughter Leah as a maid. So it came to pass in the morning, that behold, it was Leah. And he said to Laban, ‘What is this you have done to me? Was it not for Rachel that I served you? Why then have you deceived me?’ And Laban said, ‘It must not be done so in our country, to give the younger before the firstborn. Fulfill her week, and we will give you this one also for the service which you will serve with me still another seven years.’ Then Jacob did so and fulfilled her week. So he gave him his daughter Rachel as wife also. And Laban gave his maid Bilhah to his daughter Rachel as a maid. Then Jacob also went in to Rachel, and he also loved Rachel more than Leah. And he served with Laban still another seven years” (Gen. 29:15-30).

This was an incredible deception that Laban perpetrated upon Jacob, and it must have greatly angered him. But this was exactly what Jacob had done to his own father when he had deceived him to obtain the birthright (Gen. 27). When you realize that Laban had done the same act of deception upon Jacob, just as Jacob had done to his own father, some Christians declare, “This was Christian Karma.” Is that true? No! Karma has nothing to do with the Bible, and is completely contrary to its teachings. Let me explain why I would say this. First, there are slightly different interpretations for what karma is, if you study this topic in the eastern religions of Hinduism, Buddhism, Shintoism, or Sikhism. Each adds their own twist to this eastern philosophy. But generally, karma is much more than a cause-and-effect principle of retribution. Karma is a system of works, which specifically leads to a reincarnation in the afterlife. According to eastern thought, when you die you either get stepped up in the caste system, or you get stepped down in the caste system, depending on your good deeds. If you have enough good works, then you progress to a better place in the next life, and if not, you are downgraded to a lower form of life. One thing about karma that you must understand is that, there is no mercy in this belief system. When you fail to do enough good things; that is it. You must try just a little harder to do more good deeds to deserve good karma in your next life. In India today, Hindu people don’t show mercy to others that are in the lower castes. Why? Because they will declare to you, “That is their karma, that is what they deserve. But, think about this statement. If I got what I deserved, I would be in hell. Every one of you that is reading these words would be in hell too, because that is what we all deserve.

However, in Christian teaching we can have abundant mercy bestowed upon us, even if we fail miserably in our lives, if we will only repent of our sin. Think of the thief on the cross next to Jesus who had a change of heart, and God showed him mercy.

Remember this fact, that mercy has nothing to do with deserving. As Christians we can never do enough good deeds to overcome the sins that we have committed, because as Paul stated, “There is none righteous, no, not one; there is none who understands; there is none who seeks after God. They have all turned aside; they have together become unprofitable; there is none who does good, no, not one” (Rom. 3:10-12). If this is true about all men, how then can anyone be saved? It is only by the mercy of God who graciously forgives a repentant sinner, and bestows upon him the gift of the righteousness of Christ (Rom. 3:21-26). God’s grace is completely undeserved, and cannot be achieved by any number of good deeds to warrant some kind of good karma. Note how when the Jewish people made terrible choices after returning from their Babylonian captivity, Ezra prayed to God for them and said, “And after all that has come upon us for our evil deeds and for our great guilt, since You our God have punished us less than our iniquities deserve, and have given us such deliverance as this” (Ezra 9:13). Ezra acknowledged that God’s mercy had not given them what they actually deserved. This is the definition of mercy, which is not getting the punishment that we actually deserve. Why? Because God laid upon Jesus the just reward for our sins, and punished Him for our iniquity. David pleaded for this same mercy when he wrote, “Do not remember the sins of my youth, nor my transgressions; according to Your mercy remember me, for Your goodness’ sake, O LORD” (Ps. 25:7). Therefore, karma and God’s mercy are totally opposite concepts.

So, if Jacob was not receiving Christian karma, what was God doing with him? God was using the principle of disciplining and correcting Jacob. “Whom the Lord loves He chastens” (Heb. 12:6). This is also called sowing and reaping that is taught in Scripture from beginning to end. God’s discipline, correction, and chastening in our lives is a good thing, and He uses it very effectively to help change us. Why? Because God’s correction and discipline will always bring a revelation to your heart, for what you should not do again. Whether we hear and heed this correction is another issue. But God chastens us so we might be partakers in His holiness, or in other words, so that we might be changed (Heb. 12:10). When you walk in someone else’s shoes, and you experience what you have done to others, you immediately think to yourself, I don’t want to do that again to anyone. That doesn’t feel very good. Help me Lord to change. Paul revealed this same truth in Galatians 6:7-8 where he wrote, “Do not be deceived, God is not mocked; for whatever a man sows, that will he also reap. For he who sows to his flesh will of the flesh reap corruption, but he who sows to the Spirit will of the Spirit reap everlasting life.” Jesus taught the same thing in Matthew 7:1-2, “Judge not, that you be not judged. For with what judgment you judge, you will be judged; and with the measure you use, it will be measured back to you.” This is true in this life, and in eternity!

Now, let me give you a practical example of what I mean. Have you ever lied to someone, and by that lie offended and hurt someone deeply when they realized that you lied to them? Then at some future time someone lied to you, and it was like a knife to your heart. You probably got all indignant and angry at this person who lied to you, right? Their sin against you seemed to look so much worse than your sin. You got so offended by what they did to you, but you don’t really think about what you have done to others. But this is God’s discipline and correction being meted out to you. But, let me assure you as Ezra did, this discipline and correction will never be in the depth of what we deserve! Let me show you this biblically. In Proverbs 1:31, when Solomon was referring to rebellious people he wrote, “Therefore, they shall eat the fruit of their own way.” That is God’s discipline and correction. In Proverbs 11:18 he taught again, “A wicked man does deceptive work, but he who sows righteousness will have a sure reward.” Solomon was teaching that reward and discipline are the result of righteousness or unrighteousness. When Paul taught about giving, he wrote, “He who sows sparingly will also reap sparingly. He who sows bountifully will also reap bountifully” (2 Cor. 9:6). If you are a giver, the Lord will never be your debtor, He will always give back to you more than you have given, every single time. These sowing and reaping passages are so important to see throughout the Scripture, and to see exampled in the life of Jacob.

The discipline that God brought into Jacob’s life was the sowing and reaping principle at work. God was attempting to bring Jacob to a place of humility and receptiveness to God’s ways, and His truth. Laban’s deception of Jacob was only the first installment of God’s discipline in Jacob’s life. The next aspect of God’s discipline was that Jacob would now become a servant to Laban. Jacob had gone from being a son in Isaac’s house, to a servant in Laban’s. This sounds very much like the parable of the Prodigal Son that Jesus taught (Luke 15:11-32). God was disciplining the prodigal son, just as He was working in Jacob’s life. God’s discipline in Jacob’s life should be a powerful lesson for each of us. We can’t deceive people and disobey God’s Word, and expect everything to go well for us in life. God’s will and sovereign purpose with His intention to bless you, will not work that way. He will discipline and correct you. Why? Because He loves you and desires that you trust and obey Him. If you want His blessings and rewards, this is the only way it works.

How could Jacob not know that the woman he just married was not Rachel?

This is another question people often ask concerning this text. How could Jacob not have known that the woman he had just married was not Rachel? He had obviously been interacting with these two women for the last seven years. They were very different women as the Scripture makes note of. It declares that Leah had delicate eyes, which means in Hebrew that her appearance was dull, frail, or weak. But Rachel was just the opposite. She was beautiful in appearance, and most likely a very strong woman, because she was a woman of the field who kept the sheep. How then could he not know the difference between the two? The answer is simple, in those days, women were veiled, especially at their wedding. Light was only by small oil lamps, so it would have been very dark. Have you ever been some place where there are no street lights, possibly when you were camping in a remote area. If you don’t have a flashlight, you can’t see much of anything. If she was veiled in a dark tent for the wedding, and if it was dark in Jacob’s own bedchamber after the wedding, it would have been very conceivable that he might not know who he was sleeping with until the morning. In addition, Laban could have easily worked out these circumstances, because he intended to deceive Jacob. Also, Leah had to have been in on this deception, so she would have facilitated in this ruse. Why didn’t Leah reveal the deception, and say something to Jacob? There are a couple of possible reasons. First, in those days a woman did not rebel against or cross her father. This would have been a serious issue in those days. Second, possibly she was secretly in love with Jacob and wanted to be his wife. This would have been a real possibility. Third, possibly she believed it was her right to be married first, since she was the eldest daughter in the family. Or fourth, she might have been jealous of her younger sister who was more beautiful, and thought she might not get another chance at marriage. These are all distinct possibilities. But, for whatever the reason, we know that Leah was a willing participant in this deception, and thus would have helped in the deception of Jacob, and it worked.

Jacob’s enduring love for Rachel.

Notice what the text declared next. “So Jacob served seven years for Rachel, and they seemed only a few days to him because of the love he had for her” (Gen. 29:20). Because Jacob had no dowry to give Laban for his daughter, Jacob worked for him for seven years to satisfy this tradition. The fact that Jacob had to work for seven years for Rachel, also proved that when Jacob left his father’s house, he truly did leave with nothing. But notice that Jacob’s love for Rachel made these seven years seem as if they were but a few days. This is a really powerful truth concerning love, and its endurance in difficult circumstances. When you truly love someone, you can endure difficult times with them. When you love doing the work you do every day, it makes this labor so much easier. Now I didn’t say it would be easy. Love in difficult times doesn’t mean it’s not hard or difficult, but it’s much easier to choose to give and serve when you do it with love in your heart. For example, we have all had times when someone has asked you to help move them from one house to another. When you chose to help them move grudgingly out of obligation, you usually have a lousy day, and can hardly wait until moving day is over. But, if you love this person, and you want to help them, even though it might be a sacrifice to do it, your day will be much easier. Why does love change your attitude? Paul declared in 1 Corinthians 13:7, “Love bears all things. believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things.” Love has an incredible endurance aspect to it. This is what motivated Jacob to serve those seven years like it was a few days. Love endures, and will enable you to get through great hardships.

The apostle to the Hebrews also declared, “For God is not unjust to forget your work and labor of love which you have shown towards His name, in that you have ministered to the saints, and do minister” (Heb. 6:10). The word ministered in this verse means to serve. Serving other people can be very difficult at times, because of our selfish nature. But, notice the apostle described this service as a labor of love. So, when you choose to serve in any circumstance, make sure you are doing it with the motivation of love. God knows each of our hearts, and will reward us accordingly. Love is what will always give you the right attitude and the right heart. This is the attitude that Jacob had as he served for Rachel.

The second installment of God’s discipline.

The second aspect of God’s discipline in Jacob's life, was how he had to negotiate with Laban for his second wife, Rachel. He first gets deceived by Laban, and he gets the woman that he does not love. He now has to agree to serve another seven years, for the woman he does love. This extra seven years added to the correction God was working in Jacob’s life. However, this time he knows that he is dealing with a man who cannot be trusted. We will see this knowledge work for Jacob’s benefit later in their relationship when he decides to flee from Laban.

Now you may be wondering did Jacob have to wait the entire seven years before he could actually marry Rachel? I don’t believe that he did. Why? Because the text is pretty clear in the way it is worded. I believe that right after his marriage to Leah he immediately married Rachel. Why would this be true? There are several reasons given in the text that have convinced me of this fact. Notice the wording of verse 27, “Fulfill her week, and we will give you this one also for the service which you will serve with me still another seven years.” Note two things that are declared in this sentence. First, Laban says, if you agree, you will serve me another seven years. You will is in the imperfect tense, which clearly revealed that this labor would be in the future, just as it was in the past. But Laban said if you agree then we will “also” give you this one, referring to Rachel. In other words, if you agree to my terms for your future labor, then I will also give you Rachel right now. In addition, in verse 30 it declares that, “Then Jacob also went in to Rachel, which clearly implies that he married her right after his marriage to Leah. The Hebrew words, went in to, mean to begin to cohabitate. The word also is used again in this verse, making an obvious equation between Leah and Rachel. Laban got what he wanted, which was free labor, and Jacob got the woman he truly loved.

The Jewish heptad.

Before we leave this topic, there are two important points that you should not miss. First, notice how the Scripture describes the seven years that Jacob had to work for Laban. The word week is used in verse 27, denoting a seven-year period of time. The word week is what is called in Hebrew, a Jewish heptad. A heptad is a term that describes any consecutive grouping together of seven things. It could be seven days or seven years, depending on the context. This same word is used concerning the Jewish Feast of First-Fruits, or also called the Feast of Weeks (Ex. 34:22). A Jewish heptad is very similar to how we use the word dozen, to refer to a carton of 12 eggs. We also use the word decade to describe a grouping together of 10 years. So, a heptad is used here for the first time in Scripture to give the understanding of a grouping together of 7 years.

Second, understanding the meaning of the word week, allows you to be able to interpret correctly Daniel’s Seventy Weeks prophecy (Dan. 9:24-27). This prophecy is one of the most important prophecies in all of Scripture, because it revealed when the Messiah would come to this world. This prophecy also revealed the very day that Jesus would ride into Jerusalem on the back of a donkey (Luke 19:41-42). In addition, it revealed the fact that the Messiah would be cut off or experience capital punishment, not for Himself, but for the people (Dan. 9:26; Lev. 18:29). Then there is a break between the sixty-nineth week of the prophecy, and the last week of seven years. The Seventieth week of Daniel’s prophecy is what the book of Revelation calls the Great Tribulation.

The first sixty-nine weeks of seven years, continues consecutively, and equals 483 years. This Seventy-Weeks prophecy begins with the going forth of the commandment to restore and rebuild Jerusalem which occurred in the “Month of Nisan, in the twentieth year of King Artaxerxes” (Neh. 2:1). This command was given March 14, 445 BCE. If you count forward 483 years this works out to April 6, 32 CE. Now, was there anyone you can think of around the year 32 CE that claimed to be the Messiah, the King of the Jews? The prophecy also declared that after the Messiah would be cut off, or is executed by capital punishment, that then a prince would come and destroy the city and the sanctuary (Dan. 9:26). The city was destroyed in 70 CE, when the Roman General Titus came and burned the Temple and conquered the city. Anyone reading this that has not studied this prophecy before, I would encourage you to do so. It will greatly encourage your faith. Please listen to my study found at the link below. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qbVUyI3RjoU&list=PLdBZX8AQZyF191wq1BbsclkRFJz2Zw8_z&index=11&t=1s

Jacob’s correction and transformation was not overnight.

After Jacob had labored for 14 years for his two wives, he stayed on with Laban and worked for himself another 6 years, and became a very rich man. Finally, when the conflicts became too intense with Laban, Jacob left and returned to the land of Canaan, and his father’s home. At this time Jacob reminded Laban that he had been with him for a total of 20 years (Gen. 31:41). On Jacob’s way back to Israel with his wives, he hears that his brother Esau is on his way to meet him with hundreds of his men. Jacob begins to connive again by sending presents of livestock ahead of him to appease Esau, because he was afraid of what he might do. You remember that Esau had threatened to kill Jacob for his deception over the birthright. But, one night Jacob wrestled with God, and was humbled as his hip was crippled by the Lord. Jacob finally cries out to God for mercy, and at that moment God changed his name from Jacob to Israel.

My point in recounting all of these facts is to say, that it took twenty years for this man to allow God’s discipline in his life to bring him to a place of surrender. However, when we watch a television show or a movie, we see in one or two hours the most difficult problems are solved. But this is not real life! Yet people ask me in counseling, “Why isn’t God changing my husband or wife more quickly?” Or, “Why is it taking so long for justice to be done in our world?” I tell people that their expectations are just not reality. Why? Because it took twenty years for Jacob to come to a place of surrender, even with all of the discipline that God used in his life. God is also working in the circumstances of your life right now. Isn’t it sometimes difficult to understand what God is doing in our lives, and how He is trying to change us? At times we all can be hard-headed just like Jacob, so it requires more time for Him to get through to us. Remember, don’t think that God works like a movie script. Focus on God’s command and promise, and trust Him. His Word declares, “Commit your way to the LORD, trust also in Him, and He shall bring it to pass. He shall bring forth your righteousness as the light, and your justice as the noonday. Rest in the LORD, and wait patiently for Him; do not fret because of him who prospers in his way, because of the man who brings wicked schemes to pass. Cease from anger, and forsake wrath; do not fret--it only causes harm. For evildoers shall be cut off; but those who wait on the LORD, they shall inherit the earth” (Ps. 37:5-9). Rest in the Lord, wait upon Him, and He will reveal His plan to you!

Jacob’s first four sons are born.  Vs. 31-35

“When the LORD saw that Leah was unloved, He opened her womb; but Rachel was barren. So Leah conceived and bore a son, and she called his name Reuben; for she said, ‘The LORD has surely looked on my affliction. Now therefore, my husband will love me.’ Then she conceived again and bore a son, and said, ‘Because the LORD has heard that I am unloved, He has therefore given me this son also.’ And she called his name Simeon. She conceived again and bore a son, and said, ‘Now this time my husband will become attached to me, because I have borne him three sons.’ Therefore his name was called Levi. And she conceived again and bore a son, and said, ‘Now I will praise the LORD.’ Therefore she called his name Judah. Then she stopped bearing” (Gen. 29:31-35).

Does God truly see the struggles that we go through in our lives? Yes, absolutely! This is a common question that people have. In this section of Scripture God saw that Leah was unloved, and He acted by opening her womb. But Leah turns this blessing of God into a contest with her sister to try and get Jacob to love her. Yet God reveals in this chapter and the following chapters that seeking love and approval from others, be it a spouse or a friend, does not work.

I have counseled many people who are trying to get someone to love them, and I have to be honest with them that this is a fruitless endeavor. Why? Because you cannot make someone love you, because love is a choice of a person’s will. A person gives love out of the free choice of their heart. When you understand that love is only generated out of the willing heart, then you will stop trying to force someone to love you. It will save you so much frustration and worry. You must realize that trying to force someone to love you is actually manipulation, and when someone senses that you are trying to manipulate them, it only drives them further away from you. Therefore, trying to force someone to love you is self-defeating.

Do you realize that this is how people also try and manipulate God into loving them? People strive to use good works to earn God’s acceptance, but He will reject these good works every time, because He sees man’s righteousness as filthy rags. Isaiah declared, “But we are all like an unclean thing, and all our righteousnesses are like filthy rags; we all fade as a leaf, and our iniquities, like the wind, have taken us away” (Is. 64:6). So, when someone tries to bring their righteousness or good deeds to God, it is also self-defeating. Why? Let me give you two reasons why this is true. First, the Father wants you to put your faith in Him, and call out to Him for His mercy and grace. He doesn’t want you trying to impress Him with your good deeds. When you believe in Him, you surrender your heart, and that’s what He wants (Rom. 10:9-10).

Second, you don’t have to force God to love you, because He already does! He loves you beyond your ability to even perceive His care. How can you be sure? Because God spoke through the Prophet Hosea and told His people who were backslidden and in rebellion, “I will heal their backsliding, I will love them freely” (Hosea 14:4). The word freely in this verse means, for nothing. In other words, God is saying, there is nothing you can do for Me, that could make Me love you. Just come to Him in repentance and cry out for His grace, and He will heal your backsliding. Jesus also made it clear what His attitude was toward the lost people of this world when He declared, “God so loved the world that He gave His only begotten Son, that whoever believes in Him should not perish but have everlasting life” (John 3:16). These statements by God should settle the fact in your mind that He already deeply loves you, so stop trying to get His acceptance by bringing your good deeds before Him. You should especially reject bringing your good deeds to Him, because you can never do enough good works to outweigh the multitude of your transgressions (Jer. 30:15).

Our most basic human need.

Yet, to want someone to love you, is not unusual. I believe it is one of our most basic human needs. I believe God has created us all with this need, and the ability to fulfill this need by loving others. This truth is self-evident, simply by the fact that God is love, and we are created in His image (1 John 4:7-8). He has created us to be loved by Him, and others. If you will ask Him, He will fill you with the fruit of His Spirit, so you can love both God and others (Gal. 5:22-23).

Now if I asked anyone, “Do you want to be loved,” most people would say, “Yes.” But then the big question would be, what is the best way to live my life so that I might experience a loving relationship with others? Remember, you cannot force or manipulate others to love you, so how can you find a loving relationship with another? The Bible clearly answers this question. You must first give love to others. This is exactly what God did when He wanted a loving relationship with the people He created. He sent the Son of His love, to reveal His love, so that we might be drawn to Him. The Apostle John declared this truth when he wrote, “We love Him because He first loved us” (1 John 4:19). The same truth applies to the people around you. Jesus also taught His disciples this truth when He stated the Golden Rule. He said, “Therefore, whatever you want men to do to you, do also to them, for this is the Law and the Prophets” (Matt. 7:12). Jesus taught that this truth was what the entire teaching of the Old Testament was all about. So, if you want people to love you, love them first. If you want people to be kind to you, be kind to them. Whatever you want from a relationship with others, you must first give!

The lesson of a polygamous marriage.

There is also a very powerful lesson in this passage about the reason polygamy is not a good idea. The conflict begins in this chapter between these two sisters over who does Jacob love the most. In the following chapters your will see nothing but, jealousy, envy, manipulation, and heartache occur in this polygamous relationship. This is why the Bible teaches that every man should have his own wife, not multiple wives (1 Cor. 7:2). The warning against polygamy is also the reason God told the kings of Israel not to multiply wives for themselves (Deut. 17:17). In addition, in the New Testament, Jesus takes people back to the original plan of God for one man with one wife. Jesus reminded His disciples that is the way it was in the beginning. He declared, “Have you not read that He who made them at the beginning ‘made them male and female,’ and said, ‘For this reason a man shall leave his father and mother and be joined to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh’? So then, they are no longer two but one flesh. Therefore what God has joined together, let not man separate” (Matt. 19:4-6).

These are the biblical warnings and instruction on this topic of polygamy. As you read the next few chapters, and you see many conflicts unfold before you. Therefore, remember these passages.