Matthew 5:27-32

Jesus went on in this sermon to address this second of five commandments in the law, and explained what its true intent was according to God’s heart. He was explaining that righteousness was something that came from the heart, and not just some external action that a person performed. Jesus declared, “You have heard that it was said to those of old, you shall not commit adultery.  But I say to you that whoever looks at a woman to lust for her has already committed adultery with her in his heart.  And if your right eye causes you to sin, pluck it out and cast it from you; for it is more profitable for you that one of your members perish, than your whole body be cast into hell.  And if your right hand causes you to sin, cut it off and cast it from you; for it is more profitable for you that one of your members perish, than your whole body to be cast into hell.” Then Jesus used the word, “Furthermore,” to indicate that the next statement was directly connected to what He had just taught. Therefore, Jesus continued, “Furthermore, it has been said, whoever divorces his wife, let him give her a certificate of divorce. But I say to you that whoever divorces his wife for any reason except sexual immorality causes her to commit adultery; and whoever marries a woman who is divorced commits adultery” (Matt. 5:27-32).

What was the true intent of this commandment, “You shall not commit adultery?” Was it only a prohibition against the physical act of adultery, or was God really after the intent of a man or woman’s heart? Clearly God was after the lustful desires that are in the heart of every person. Lustful desire is the motivating force that would cause someone to commit adultery, and to break their marriage vows. This is why Jesus wanted to deal with this issue, because it is the root cause of so much heartache among those in this world. If you can keep the lustful desires of your heart in check by the power of the Holy Spirit, then you won’t ever have to worry about committing adultery, and breaking your marriage vows. That is the message of this study! I want to give you some tools that will enable you to keep your lustful desires in check.

How fundamental is this issue of lustful desire?

How fundamental is this issue of your lustful desires, and the other issues in life? Consider the tenth commandment in the law. This commandment summed up the importance God placed on this issue. He declared in Exodus 20:17, “You shall not covet your neighbor’s house; you shall not covet your neighbor’s wife, or his male servant, or his female servant, or his ox, or his donkey, or anything that is your neighbor’s.” Note that God had already commanded the Jews to not commit adultery in the seventh commandment, but in this commandment, He connected it with lustful covetousness. God addressed the issue of lust and covetousness again in this final commandment, because it showed that lustful covetousness was what would cause men to break these other commandments. To covet a man’s wife would cause adultery. To covet a man’s house or donkey would motivate a person to lie and steal, thus breaking these other commandments.

You must also note how the Apostle James believed that covetousness and lust were synonymous terms. In James 4:2-3, he declared, “You lust and you do not have. You murder and covet and cannot obtain. You fight and war, yet you do not have because you do not ask. You do not receive, because you ask amiss, that you may spend it on your pleasures.” James clearly connected these concepts of lusting and coveting. Notice that he also included anger, murder, and war as being motivated by covetousness and lust. Isn’t it interesting that James connected these two issues, just as Jesus did in the Sermon on the Mount. 

Lust and covetousness are powerful desires within our hearts for something to satisfy us. But, physical pleasure, possessions, or anything in this world can never satisfy the human heart. Solomon rightly declared that, “Hell and destruction are never full; so the eyes of man are never satisfied” (Prov. 27:20). However, James explained where and how we could be satisfied. He taught, “You do not have because you do not ask. James believed that prayer was the ultimate means for mankind to find lasting satisfaction in life. This is a very simple concept, but oh so profound. When you connect with God, you will be satisfied. Prayer is where the power is found to control the lust that is within your soul. When you receive His power within, your flesh cannot control you anymore. Here is where you find that victory to overcome the power and tyranny of your fleshly nature. God knew that lust could never satisfy you, so He revealed the means to find lasting satisfaction, by connecting with Him through prayer! I will explain this truth further as we study this text.

Misconceptions about this passage.

Before I get into the subject of how to overcome your lust, I want to address three misconceptions concerning this passage. These are three misconceptions I have had people ask me about many times. Understanding the answers to these misconceptions is essential for understanding these verses.

The first misconception sounds like this. “If Jesus said that if I lust, then I have already committed adultery in my heart, why shouldn’t I just go and commit the act of adultery? If God looks at the lust of the heart, and the act as the same, why not just do it?” Have you ever heard anyone question God’s word like this? It really is a great question, and you must have a good answer for them. So, let me answer this misconception. Why should you not commit the act of adultery, when you are struggling with your lust? Because this was the very thing that Jesus was trying to help you avoid. He does not want you to commit adultery! In fact, Jesus was trying to get at the heart and the motivating desire of an adulterous relationship, which is lust. He wanted to deal with the source of the problem, not give someone a reason to violate His commands. Jesus was simply saying, “Look, I am holding you responsible for what is going on in your heart, as well as what you do in your behavior. Deal with the enemy within, so you won’t participate in this immoral behavior.” Remember, the action is always worse than the thought, and that is clear from Scripture. In the Old Testament, Solomon taught, “The thoughts of the wicked are an abomination” (Prov. 15:26). So, from the beginning of time God has made it clear that both my thoughts and behaviors are important to Him. It is also obvious that the action is always worse than the thought. Billy Graham put it this way when he said, “There is a difference between window-shopping and stealing.” Would you agree with him? Think about it. Would you want someone who is window shopping and coveting some material possession in their heart to go to jail? Or, should someone only go to jail for actually stealing something? The action of stealing is always worse than thinking about stealing. Take this concept back into our previous study concerning anger and the commandment not to murder. Should someone go to jail because they have anger in their heart, or only if they take the action to assault or murder a person? The action is obviously worse than the thought.

The second misconception is that all sin is the same. Have you ever heard someone say, “Sin is all the same?” Well, they are wrong. All sin is not the same. The Scripture is very clear about this fact. In John 19:11, Jesus spoke to Pilate and said, “You could have no power at all against me unless it had been given to you from above.  Therefore the one who delivered me to you has the greater sin.” So, according to Jesus there was a greater sin! Jesus made it very clear in this statement that the Pharisees and the Sadducees had a greater sin, because they knew much more about the truth than Pilate. The Pharisees knew what the Scriptures declared and they purposed to destroy Jesus because of their envy and jealousy against Him. The Apostle James taught the same thing concerning the leaders of the church. He declared, “My brethren, let not many of you become teachers, knowing that we shall receive a stricter judgment” (James 3:1). You can only have a stricter judgment for some, because there is a greater responsibility before God. That is the only way this would be fair. Therefore, when people say to you all sin is the same, explain these verses to them. Explain that actions of sin are always worse than the temptation to sin. God holds us responsible for both the thoughts and the actions of sin. He wants to conquer the issues in our hearts, so we won’t have to worry about ever committing the action.

The third misconception is voiced by people when they ask, “Can I divorce my spouse if they have lusted after another person, but not actually committed adultery?” The answer is no! A person who asks this question believes the first two misconceptions, and is usually just looking for a loophole so they can get out of their marriage. You cannot divorce your spouse because they lust, any more than you should divorce them for coveting things, which is idolatry. If you could divorce your spouse for lust, then there would be no men or women who would ever stay married. Why do I say this? Because everyone has had lustful thoughts toward someone or something. The Scripture declares, “The eye man is never satisfied” (Prov. 27:20). Do you now see the reason why human beings are lustful? We are simply not being satisfied by the Lord. David believed that if we would just trust God that He would, “abundantly satisfy,” anyone who would simply, “drink,” from His living waters (Ps. 36:8). Jesus said the same to the woman at the well when He responded to her question about being thirsty. Jesus said, “Whoever drinks of this water will thirst again, but whoever drinks of the water that I shall give him will never thirst. But the water that I shall give him will become in him a fountain of water springing up into everlasting life” (John 4:13-14). The natural man cannot be satisfied apart from the living water of His Holy Spirit. If you are thirsty today, come to Him and He will satisfy you with His water of life.

However, to get back to the question of can you divorce you spouse because he or she is lusting, but has not actually committed adultery; look at the context of Christ’s statement. The answer to this question is right here in our text. Jesus made it very clear in verse 32 when He said, “But I say to you, that whoever divorces his wife for any reason, except sexual immorality causes her to commit adultery.” Jesus said for, “any reason, except sexual immorality.” The sexual immorality He refers to in this context, is the act of adultery. Therefore, there must be the actual act of adultery for divorce to be allowed.

You can also see this same truth taught in the Old Testament. In Deuteronomy 22:14, there is a discussion of the truth of a woman’s virginity. If a woman’s virginity is called in question after she marries a man, notice what the Scripture states in such a case. The charge before the elders of the land must be for, “shameful conduct,” not lustful desires. There must be actual conduct that can be proven. In other words, there had to be proof that a woman had actually committed sexual immorality by fornication or adultery. So, Jesus is clearly talking about sexually immoral conduct.

Another question that people ask is if the issue of lust is only a man’s struggle, or do women also battle here? Many times, in marriage counseling a woman will say to me after I quote this verse in Matthew 5 concerning lust, “That’s right, men are always lusting. Men are beasts. Sex, sex, sex that’s all they think about. What is their problem?” Let me respond to this viewpoint. To the ladies, if you think this way, you don’t know your own heart! Your hearts lust too! You may not lust after the same things as a man does, but you have strong longing desires too. You might think this study has some great information for your husband, and that this passage does not apply to you. But, it does! Every person at the very center of their being is lustful and covetous. We all have our idols. You may have different lusts, but you lust just like every other person in this world. Remember, what James 4:2 declared? He was speaking to the entire church of both males and females when he said, “You lust.” James made no distinction between male or female in this verse. Males or females can both lust sexually, or for power, position, pleasure, fame, greed for things, or for whatever they think will make them happy. Everyone lusts and desires for something, so ladies you should also give heed to this encouragement. If anyone missed this point, James also charged both males and females in the very next set of verses. He reproved them all when he wrote, “Adulterers and adulteresses! Do you not know that friendship with the world is enmity with God? Whoever therefore wants to be a friend of the world makes himself an enemy of God. Or do you think that the Scripture says in vain, ‘The Spirit who dwells in us yearns jealously’? But He gives more grace. Therefore He says: ‘God resists the proud, but gives grace to the humble’” (James 4:4-6). Note that both adulterers and adulteresses are mentioned as having this problem. But in James 4:6, he gave the simple solution to our lust problem when he declared, “But He gives more grace.” There is the answer to our covetous lustful hearts. It is the power of God’s grace that is able to set us free! Remember, His grace is abundant, and is open to all who call upon Him (Ps. 145:18). Cry out to Him today, and you will find His grace is sufficient for your need!

How to overcome lust.

Now let me discuss with you this very important issue concerning how God can help you to overcome your lust. Let me give you seven very important principles that will give you the practical steps you can take, so you won’t be overcome by your lust. There is a solution to this dilemma!

1. Don’t incite lust.

The first issue you should be concerned about is not inciting lust within yourself. You have heard the saying, “Don’t shoot yourself in the foot?” If you do things that stir up your own lustful desires, you are shooting yourself in the foot, and you are hindering the very victory you seek. You may be wondering, How does someone stir up and incite lust within themselves. When I talk with people in counseling who are struggling with lust, I asked them several questions that are many times the source of their problems. I ask them, “What kind of movies or television shows do you watch? When suggestive commercials come on, do you watch them or turn the channel? Do you read non-Christian romance novels with lustful story lines? Do you view Internet pornography, or do you look at pornographic magazines at your local convenience store? Are you dwelling on past sexual immorality in your thoughts that you have been involved with? Do the people that you spend a lot of time with, are they encouraging you to righteousness, or do they stumble you by their conversations or actions?” All of these issues can and will incite your lust within. This is why Paul counseled Timothy, “Flee also youthful lusts; but pursue righteousness, faith, love, peace with those who call on the Lord out of a pure heart” (2 Tim. 2:22). Underline that phrase, “with those.” What you do, and who you spend your time with, will either help you or harm you in your pursuit of righteousness. Find those who call on the Lord out of a pure heart, and make them your friends. These friendships will help you flee youthful lusts. Remember, in Proverbs 5:8 Solomon told his own son concerning immoral women, “Remove your way far from her, and do not go near the door of her house.” You must remove yourself far from whatever and whoever is inciting lust inside you. Therefore, examine your life, and determine if you need to flee any behaviors, thoughts, places, or friendships that are inciting lust inside you.

2. Radical steps must be taken.

Second, if you want to stop inciting lust within your life, then radical steps must be taken to keep you free from sins dominion (Rom. 6:14). Jesus made this point very clear when He said, “If your right eye causes you to sin, pluck it out and cast it from you; for it is more profitable for you that one of your members perish, than for your whole body to be cast into hell. And if your right hand causes you to sin, cut it off and cast it from you; for it is more profitable for you that one of your members perish, than for your whole body to be cast into hell” (Matt. 5:29-30). These verses are some of the most misunderstood in the Bible. So, what did Jesus mean by these words? Did Jesus want you to actually take a saw to your arms and legs, or to take some poking instrument to your lustful eye? Absolutely not! Why? Because it is obvious that a one-eyed person can lust just as much as a two-eyed person. In fact, a blind person can lust just as much as seeing person. Why is this true? Because lustful desires are in your heart. So, what was His point? Jesus was using hyperbole, which is a literary tool of using extreme exaggeration to make a point. Jesus used this technique in His teaching many times (Matt. 7:3-5; Matt. 23:24; Matt. 17:20). Hyperbole, always makes you stop and think, Wait a minute, what does He mean? Does Jesus really want me to hack off my hand, or poke out my eye? Of course not! Hyperbole is used as a rhetorical tool to draw attention to, and emphasize the point you are attempting to make. Jesus was speaking in a spiritual sense about how you must take radical steps to remove from your life whatever stumbles you, or whatever incites lust in your heart and mind. You need to do some radical surgery in your heart and your behavior.

Therefore, what was Jesus trying to emphasize? He wanted you to compare the value of the physical with the eternal. He asked the question twice, “is it more profitable for you?” In other words, would physically having two hands be more important to you than going to hell? Wouldn’t it be better to be limbless and go to heaven, than to have all your limbs, and go to hell? Would it not be better to have no eyes and go to heaven, than to have both eyes and go to hell? Jesus was contrasting the profitability of the temporal verses the eternal. He was encouraging us to compare the benefits of what we do, and what we seek today, with eternity. Is temporal pleasure more important than eternal rest? Which one do you want? Is Internet pornography more important to you than heaven? Is a lifestyle of immorality more important than everlasting life? Are ungodly friendships more important to you than heaven with those who believe? If you say no, then cut off the immoral relationships, and stop doing the things that stumble you. Cut off all immoral behavior from your life. Stop doing whatever causes you to sin. You must do some radical surgery, and make some radical changes if you want to deal with your lustful heart.

3. Repentance

Third, if you want this radical change to take place in your life, then repentance is how it occurs. The word repent means to change your mind, to reverse direction, and to walk in the opposite way. When you reverse directions in your life in this manner, wouldn’t you say that this would be a radical change? This is the kind of change the Bible encourages before you come to faith in Christ, and also whenever sinful thoughts or desires seek to take dominion in your life. In Acts 8:22 Peter spoke very boldly to a man and said, “Repent therefore of this your wickedness, and pray God if perhaps the thought of your heart may be forgiven you.” Peter did not say to him, “I’m not sure what you should do about your thought life.” No, he told him that he needed to reverse directions and turn away from his wicked thinking. This change of heart would then change his behavior.

4. Choose to control your thought life.

Also, notice that Peter addressed this man’s thought life, and the need for forgiveness for what he was thinking. He told him to pray that the thoughts of his heart might be forgiven. This is an essential tool for controlling your lustful thoughts. Begin by admitting your lustful thinking is wrong, and ask forgiveness for where your thoughts have led you. Why is repentance in your thinking such a primary step for radically changing your behavior? Your thoughts are where lust begins. If you want to remove sinful behaviors from your life by radical repentance, then you must deal with your thought life. You must resist where your thoughts want to take you by acknowledging to God in prayer, “Lord, I’m not going there in my mind. God, I choose to reject that thinking right now. Please forgive me for allowing my mind to think in this sinful way.” This is exactly what Paul commanded us all to do in Romans 13:14. He taught, “Put on the Lord Jesus Christ, and make no provision for the flesh, to fulfill its lusts.” The word provision in this verse means to take forethought for a particular behavior. So, how can you resist your lustful thinking? Do not allow any forethought for fleshly thinking. If you don’t stop your thinking at its inception, this is how you end up stumbling yourself. Why? Because you are allowing your mind to play with sinful options. Don’t even begin thinking, Will I sin right now, or later? Am I going to go out to the bar after work with the guys, or not? Am I going to that party, or not? When you play with sinful options, you start to rationalize, One drink won’t hurt. Smoking one joint won’t make me a drug addict. When you start thinking in that direction, and playing with the forethought of possibly sinning, this is where you get caught. You need to stop the forethought of sin before it captivates your heart, and motivates you to sinful actions. Your thinking is where it all starts. You need to reject the thoughts that lead you to sin. Repent when the thought first comes into your mind, and you will never act on it. You won’t act on these sinful thoughts, because you are dealing with where all the sinful behaviors originate. Remember, all sin starts in your head.

5. Pray for the purifying of your heart.

If the thoughts of your heart are where lust first takes hold of you, then you need a purified heart. Remember, in Matthew 5:8 Jesus said, “Blessed are the pure in heart, for they shall see God.” Jesus taught that your heart needed to be purified, because He knew how essential it was for anyone to truly see and know Him. So, if you want victory over your lust, your heart must be purified, and the Holy Spirit will do that work. How can your heart be purified before Him? You need to first pray, and ask God to do this work inside you. James said, “You do not have because you do not ask” (James 4:2). Ask for the purifying and purging work of the Holy Spirit to begin to convict and reprove your thoughts, attitudes, and behaviors. As you pray, I’m sure you will sense an immediate response from the Throne of God! A purified heart also comes when you obey the voice of the Holy Spirit, and do what He commands you to do. Peter said, “You have purified your souls in obeying the truth through the Spirit in sincere love of the brethren, love one another fervently with a pure heart” (1 Peter 1:22). Note that prayer is you asking God for His work to take place in you, and obedience to His voice is your doing what He is asking you to do. This is how you get a pure heart. If you want the work to be done, ask Him to begin right now!

6. Bring your body into subjection.

When you deal with your heart and mind and you seek the Holy Spirit’s control over you, the natural result will be your body drives will be brought under subjection to God. This is what Paul taught in 1 Corinthians 9:27. He related to the Corinthians what he chose to do with his own lustful desires. He declared, “I discipline my body and bring it into subjection, lest, when I have preached to others, I myself should become disqualified.” Notice that Paul honestly admits his own struggle with the desires of his body. This man was an apostle, and he loved the Lord, but he also struggled just like we do. Paul had a radical conversion experience, but he still struggled every day within himself. However, he knew the only way to overcome his lust was to discipline his own body. The word discipline and subjection in this verse are both in the present tense. This means that Paul was actually declaring, “I am continuously disciplining my body, and I am continuously bringing it into the subjection.” He also made clear that he believed if he did not bring his body into subjection, he could become disqualified, or become reprobate and turn away. That is what the word disqualified means. Have you ever seen anyone who loved Lord, who professed faith in Christ, turn away from Him? How does that happen? It occurs when a person does not obey this command to discipline their body drives, and bring them into subjection. The word discipline means to subdue. Therefore, you must subdue your body drives every day! The words bring into subjection literally mean to bring into servitude. So, are you a slave to your body drives, or is your body serving your higher calling to be a servant of God? Those are your only two options. One or the other will occur. You are either a slave to your body, or your bodily drives will be brought into subjection to God. You will either be overcome by them, or you will overcome your fleshly desires! I have two resources to help you win this battle with your body drives. I have a book entitled, “Winning Your Personal Battles,” that you can find on Amazon.com. Winning Your Personal Battles: You Have Them....Now Overcome Them! - Kindle edition by Carr, Steve. Religion & Spirituality Kindle eBooks @ Amazon.com. Or, I have a YouTube series of studies on twenty different topics that will also help you. Winning Your Personal Battles - YouTube

7. Choose to make the body to die.

How then do you bring your body into subjection? How is that practically done in everyday life? Paul explained the reality of this battle, and how you can actually overcome your fleshly nature in Romans 6, 7, and 8. He taught in Romans 8:13, “For if you live according to the flesh you will die; but if by the Spirit you put to death the deeds of the body, you will live.” I really like that last phrase, “you will live.” In other words, this is where real life can be experienced. Real life, the life God has intended for you, is only experienced when you have been set free from the power of your lustful fleshly nature. How can you make these bodily drives to die? Remember, Paul taught, “If by the Spirit you put to death the deeds of the body.” This work is done by the power of the Holy Spirit. I am not strong enough to control my lust, but the Spirit is able to make these desires to die inside me. So, when the lustful thoughts come up in your mind, reject them through repentance and prayer. Then invite the Holy Spirit to come fill you with His power. Ask Him to put these desires to death within you. This can be done because your sin nature has already been crucified in Christ; it’s just not dead inside you (Rom. 6:6). Only when you allow the Holy Spirit to come upon you will these sinful desires be made to die. Every time you struggle with your lust, cry out for the power of the Spirit of God, and He will free you from the power of your lust. 

Now, let me explain this principle from another passage in the Scripture. In Romans 6:6, 11, 13, Paul revealed the details of how this process of victory has been secured for you. Let me briefly hit the high points of this truth. If you want a more in-depth study on this subject, go to, www.covenantkeepers.org and look under the Bible Studies icon, and then click on New Testament. There you will find my study on the book of Romans in written form. For now, let me briefly explain the message of Romans 6. There Paul taught, “Knowing this, that your old man was crucified” (Rom. 6:6). This is a very important and fundamental truth. Your old man was crucified. Note that Paul used the past tense, “was crucified.” That means this is a completed work that Christ has accomplished in conquering your sin nature. You must know this truth! Do you know that not just your sins, but your sinful nature was crucified on the cross with Jesus? You must be absolutely convinced of this truth to be able to pray effectively in the midst of your struggle. When you know and are assured that your old man was crucified, and put to death on the cross, then you will do the second thing. You will reckon yourself and your sin nature as dead before God in prayer. In Romans 6:11 you are commanded to, “Reckon yourself to be dead to sin, but alive to God.” The word reckon is in the present tense which means that you must continually reckon yourself dead to sin. Reckoning is a step of faith you must take, where you must account that what God has said is true. If God said that your old man or your old nature is dead, then it is! When you reckon this to be a fact, you are declaring that you believe it to be so, by faith. Jesus already conquered your old man. He conquered him, but you must reckon this to be true by faith. Do you believe that your old man was crucified with Christ, and that he is dead with Christ? You must believe it by faith, and not because you feel that he is dead. This is where prayer comes in. Paul then taught in Romans 6:13, “Present your members unto God as all individuals who are alive from the dead.” The word present means to yield yourself to God. This is where the Holy Spirit comes upon you, and makes that old man to die within you. This is how you gain victory, and overcome the lusts of your flesh. Ask God to teach you how this all works. Read through Romans 6, and ask Him for a revelation of His Spirit concerning these truths. As you do, this is where you will find lasting victory over your flesh.

Divorce

Why does Jesus speak about divorce here in the context of lust? It is very simple. If you resolve your lust issues, you will never be unfaithful to your spouse, and thus, never need to even consider divorce. If you allow God to rule in your life, you will experience His satisfaction, and never have to look outside your marriage. This is why you need to control the lust of your heart. Lust reveals the empty void, that spiritual vacuum, that is inside every human being since the fall of man. Paul explained this issue when he wrote, “For the earnest expectation of the creation eagerly waits for the revealing of the sons of God. For the creation was subjected to futility, not willingly, but because of Him who subjected it in hope; because the creation itself also will be delivered from the bondage of corruption into the glorious liberty of the children of God. For we know that the whole creation groans and labors with birth pangs together until now” (Rom. 8:19-22). The word futility means an emptiness or void that is within us, which is the result of the fall of mankind. God subjected men and women to this emptiness in hope that we might seek Him to fill this void within us. Paul also called this emptiness within us, “the bondage of corruption.” This corruption clearly refers to our sin nature. One day when the Lord returns, He will completely free us from this sin nature, as He gives us new bodies, and there will not be any more longing for, “other things,” to satisfy us (Mark 4:19). But until that day, we must allow Jesus to daily fill us with His living water of life, which will keep us until He returns, or we go to meet Him in death.

In addition, within this passage, Jesus made it very clear by His words that He was not in favor of divorce for just any reason. In Matthew 5:31-32, Jesus declared His narrow view for why He would allow divorce. He acknowledged what people said in that day about those who gave a certificate of divorce. Jesus said, “But I say to you that whoever divorces his wife for any reason except sexual immorality causes her to commit adultery; and whoever marries a woman who is divorced commits adultery.”

Now many have said to me after reading this passage of Scripture, “I don’t like this teaching. Jesus is just too narrow in His thinking. This view is impossible. How can anybody keep this standard?” However, I don’t believe this is a difficult standard at all. Why? Because divorce never becomes an issue you have to think about, if you are actually dealing with your lust, and you are allowing the Lord to rule in your life. If Jesus reigns inside you, then you will be loving your spouse, and that love will be reciprocated. If you love your spouse then it is easy to be faithful to your mate, and divorce won’t ever come up in the conversation. Why was Jesus so narrow in His view concerning divorce? Because He hates divorce (Mal. 2:16)! He hates the destruction that comes to two people, and their children, when a divorce occurs. Christ sets this narrow standard, because He wants to encourage two people work through their problems, not look for a way out.

Let me share with you a personal testimony. For more than 50 years of counseling with people, individuals have admitted to me many times the same thing. They say to me, “I got rid of my first spouse, and I married this other person. But, all I did was trade problems. My first spouse had this problem ___________. My second spouse didn’t have that problem, they had another issue ­­___________” Therefore, don’t do it. It is always easier to fix what you have, than to go find someone else to marry, and then to have the frustration of a whole new set of problems. Allow the Lord to reign inside you, and make you a faithful man or woman. Then you don’t ever have to worry about any of this. Please read my article: Why it is easier to fix your marriage than to divorce

Now I understand that there are circumstances when you are married to a person who is continuously unfaithful, or is unwilling to live with you. They abandon you for some fantasy they have in their mind. This is something God understands, and this is why Jesus allowed divorce. Jesus made that situation clear in this text. He does not want people to divorce, but He allows it in such circumstances. However, I have counseled many people who have committed adultery, and they have reconciled with their spouse. Both partners have dealt with their issues, and their marriage has been totally restored and transformed. I have even seen people divorce each other, reconcile, and remarry. I had a couple that I was counseling over the telephone from another city. They started reading my book, “Married and How to Stay That Way,” and they worked through their issues, and remarried after they had both committed adultery. They came up to our church, and I had the pleasure of meeting them. As I talked with them, I thought to myself, How amazing God’s grace is to restore these two people. He can do anything if two people are willing, and choose to humble themselves, and admit their faults. His grace to restore and forgive is truly beyond what you could ever imagine. Never forget that He forgave you! He can and will also enable anyone to reconcile their differences.

Now, let me say a word to those of you who don’t believe than anyone should divorce for any reason. This is an extreme position that many Christians hold today, because of the easy divorce they see around them. Yes, the Pharisees believed that you could divorce for any reason. However, Jesus did not subscribe to their view of divorce and remarriage. Jesus made it clear that divorce was permitted for sexual immorality. This exception is obvious in this passage, and was also given in Matthew 19:9. If someone takes away this exception, they are contradicting Jesus Christ. The Bible warns about those who add to the Scripture, or take away from it (Deut. 4:2; Prov. 30:6; Rev. 22:18-19).

Paul’s view on this subject.

In this passage here in the Sermon on the Mount, Jesus was referring to two professing believers where one commits adultery against the other. Divorce and remarriage is permitted in such a case. If someone divorces and then remarries another person, he or she is then committing adultery, and causing the person they marry to also commit adultery. That was the clear teaching of Jesus! I will not change what He has said. In addition, later in 1 Corinthians Paul addressed the subject of an unbeliever abandoning and divorcing a believer, which is a little different. He taught that if the unbeliever, said or demonstrated, that he or she was not willing to live with a believer, then the believer was free to leave and divorce. Paul said it this way. “If the unbeliever departs, let him depart. A brother or sister is not under bondage in such cases, but God has called us to peace” (1 Corinthians 7:15). The Greek word for departs is the same word translated divorce in other places in the New Testament. Therefore, if the unbeliever abandons and divorces you, then the believer is free in such cases. The offended party then is not under bondage in such cases to their marriage vows, because the unbeliever has broken his or her vows. Why would they be free from the covenant they have made? Paul makes it clear; God has called us to peace. God does not penalize a believer for the rest of his or her life, just because the unbeliever has sinfully departed from them. If you would like to read a more in depth article on marriage and divorce please read: Understanding Marriage, Divorce, And Remarriage

Marriage and divorce prior to coming to faith.

Another issue that I should address is when someone has married and divorced prior to becoming a Christian. What happens in this circumstance? The Bible declares in 2 Corinthians 5:17, “If anyone is in Christ, he is a new creation; old things have passed away; behold some things have become new.” Now, it does not say some things become new. It says all things become new. It does not say all things become new, except for prior divorces and marriages. Therefore, when you come to faith in Christ, and you have become born again, you get to start all over with your life. Why is that right and fair? It’s because before you came to Christ you were blinded by sin (2 Cor. 4:4). You were blind to what you were doing, and to the ramifications of your actions. You did not understand spiritual things, or God’s commands. This is why Jesus cried out from the cross, “Father forgive them, for they do not know what they do” (Luke 23:34). So, God is essentially saying, “In my book, you are new creation. You have a whole new start.” 

Divorce and remarriage without biblical grounds.

Sometimes I have also counseled people who have divorced and remarried without biblical grounds. There has been no adultery or abandonment by an unbeliever, yet this believer has divorced their spouse and married another person anyway. People have asked me if this person living in a continuous state of adultery? Not if a person will acknowledge his or her offense, and ask forgiveness. God is a God of grace, and a God of great mercy. He has much more grace and mercy than we do. In 1 John 1:9 it declares God’s promise, “If you confess your sins, He is faithful and just to forgive us our sins and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness.” If you have violated this particular command concern marriage and divorce, confess your transgression to the Lord. Then ask your mate’s forgiveness for your transgression, and get it right today. You or your spouse may not have known you were breaking God’s commandment. God knows your heart (1 John 3:20). Ask Him for His grace and mercy, and He will work in the midst of this situation you are in right now.